Quick, hands up, who knows what I’m on about? Blue roll? If you’re motor-homing and have never discovered the huge benefits (and the massive OCD delights) of Blue Roll (it really does warrant the initial caps), then I can only suggest you get yourselves down to Costco Wholesale (other suppliers also exist) and avail of a six-pack. I promise you’ll never look back.

We discovered the benefits of Blue Roll several years before we started our Knumptying activities, when we were abject and avid fans of Costco Wholesale Warehouses, an astonishing and wondrous American import to our fair shores – rammed full of fascinating products – all bulk-purchasable and none of which, once you’d witnessed their existence, could you ever do without ever again.

Trips to our nearest CostCo became accidentally expensive family days-out, where we’d wander aisles towering with desirable consumer goods, marvelling open-mouthed at the overwhelming array of LCD TVs as well as shelves seemingly teetering under industrial quantities of ibuprofen tablets, toothpaste, canoes, buttermilk pancake mix, Worcestershire Sauce, garden furniture, kettles, lobsters, Curly-Wurlys, Chateu Neuf du Pape, spanners and stuff even Aladdin would have been hard-pushed to imagine.

Nestling unassumedly in the slightly-less exciting and therefore rarely-visited Household Cleaning section were also to be found impenetrable fortresses built from shrink-wrapped six packs of huge, fat, absorbent blue paper rolls. These towering and unsung giants of domestic cleaning existed solely to mop up industrial-sized spills of you-name-it and with a young family, they became a cost-effective staple of our home cleaning cupboard, each roll being at least 27 miles long and therefore far more cost-effective (per sheet, of course) than traditional kitchen-roll.

So where am I going with this? Bear with, as tonight, our in-van supper has been more than the usual culinary triumph.

Parked up as we are on the harbourfront at Aberaeron, Ceridigion, Wales and overlooking a windswept, grey and almost autumnal Cardigan Bay, we managed to procure some very fresh fish from The Hive fishmongers in the centre of town. This haul included fresh shell-on mussels, king scallops (complete with those delightful aerofoils of coral-coloured roe) and two hake steaks, cut from the whole fish in front of our eyes and therefore just the right width for our purposes.

Back in the Knumptywagen and juggling the culinary priorities of three rings on the gas-stove, the In-Van Map-Reading Troutess Chef d’Cuisine set-to and produced a menu to which not one of the professional catering establishments lining the High Street could have held a candle.

Ready? OK, start dribbling at tonight’s pop-up menu:

Linguine with fresh shell-on moules cooked in a white wine, shallot and cream sauce served with scallops and hake both pan-fried in black-butter, accompanied by a chilled Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc and with a Welsh cheeseboard to follow.

A triumph and a delight! Made more so because clearing up after fish-cookery is always a bit of a mess – and ‘camping’ wild with an onboard grey-water tank doesn’t lend itself to washing up the remains. Which is where this particular tale began. Step into the spotlight, please, Blue Roll, and perform your duties as preliminary wiper-upper of every single item from tonight’s extensive fish-based batterie d’cuisine – from cutlery through plates to pans – to ensure nothing untoward enters the waste-water course and instead all goes, very hygienically, into the bin!